Why do some people have to say “Yes” to everything? What is wrong with saying “No” once in a while? These people often say what Lucille Ball once said, “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do the more things you can do.” I understand, but sit back and look at what is making that person busy. Of course, they have to get it done and get it done right away so that it does not interfere with all the other things that they have said “Yes” to. Or, better yet, just say “NO.”

Sometimes people just cannot say “No.” They feel that they can’t change their mind and ask, “Yes, but what do I do”? I know, it’s a real loop, isn’t it?

It is important to understand and realize that just because we said “Yes” in the first place does not mean that we can never go back and say “ No.” We agree to do things for many reasons which are usually valid at the time when we say yes. However, we often have time to think about it and realize a “No” would have been the best answer.

We genuinely want to help, not realizing that it is going to be so uncomfortable, we don’t want to disappoint or not be a team player. Our mistake is that in trying to be a pleaser, making everyone happy, we seldom succeed and end up sacrificing our self in the process. Think about it, we are told to “Love our neighbor as ourselves” not more than ourselves. The reason is, we have ten or more neighbors and only one of us. To properly love and serve them we must love ourselves enough to take care, preserve, put up barriers and say “No” enough so there will be enough of us and our love to go around. The reason why the airline flight attendant says, “In case of loss of cabin pressure, secure your oxygen mask first before attending to those in your care,” is if you try to put your dependent’s mask on first and then pass out before you put your mask on; you are no good to the one who is counting on you. Instead of being a people pleaser, try focusing on being a God pleaser.

Sometimes we want to change our mind. We find ourselves out of our comfort zone and do not feel that the task that we have said “Yes” to is something that we can do. We responded to the request with that answer originally and then think about it and realize that it makes us very uneasy that we have said “Yes” to something that is beyond our skill level.

Where in your life do you need to say “No” after you have said “Yes”? We are not talking about being mean. We are all entitled to change our minds and do not need to offer a great detailed explanation as to why.

You probably think if you say “No” then:

• People won’t like you
• You’ll let others down and they’ll be disappointed in you
• You’ll look like a failure or worse, you’ll feel like a failure

I am here to tell you that the above are not true! You are imagining what will happen if you say “No” and in most cases those fears or perceptions by others rarely occur.

In more cases than not, saying the word “No” most likely is the answer that is best for you. You need to be truthful to yourself. If you are not truthful to yourself, often what happens is you start to dislike yourself for giving the other person the “Yes” answer, and you begin to resent them for asking you in the first place.

These kinds of feelings are not a good thing. You start to feel like you have an internal tug-of-war going on. You feel like you need to say “No” but your ego just will not let you do what is right for you.

Saying “no” authentically and with compassion for both yourself and the other person is the only way to honor yourself.

Do not be nervous and afraid to say “No”. It will feel so good when you speak up for yourself and for what you want and need! Did the world end? Of course, it did not and it won’t when you do it.

Have you recently said “Yes” to someone and now you know that you have to tell them “No”. You need to be confident and let them know that you are sorry, but you will be unable to complete the task that you had previously said “Yes” too. Maybe you could make a suggestion of another person that might be able to complete the task, or offer a small amount of outside assistance to get away from the larger task. Once you do, you will be empowered in knowing that none of the above came true and you were able to remove yourself from the larger responsibility.

Being able to say “No” to even your dearest friend will free you up from feeling like Lucille Ball. Yes- you most likely will continue to be a very busy person, but in general you will feel more in control of your life and more focused on your success to become noticeable in your chosen field. Contact Us if you would like help with inserting some healthy “No’s” into your business and personal life.